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Tuesday...
Today was a perfect fall day...nice and cool...football weather...the kinds of days that remind me of when I used to go to those football games in high school only to walk around and flirt with guys... This weather reminds me of trick or treating on Halloween night...and going to Haunted Houses with all my friends.... It reminds me of spending fall with Bry last year...and making me carve a pumpkin (where I ended up throwing a tantrum because I couldn't quite carve as well as he can)... Spending fall this year by myself is a little lonely to think about...which is probably why I feel down in the dumps today.... I should be coming home to Bry cooking in the kitchen...We should be cuddling on the couch and watching a movie after dinner...He should be helping me get Cadence ready for bed...laughing at the silly things she does... He should have been here to catch her first crawl...so see her first tooth come out...to watch her first steps... Not even driving home with my music blaring and the windows rolled down made me feel slightly better... What am I doing here?! I should be home...with my family and friends...so every day doesn't drag like it's been eternity... I should be able to just stop by Esmer's house when I feel alone...or hang out with Chizzles...or watch a movie with Beannie... I should be able to go to the mall with the girls...and eat pizza at Sbarro's at the food court and talk nonsense...and laugh so hard that my stomach starts hurting... But...this is the most reasonable thing to do...stay... I'm okay most of the time...there are just some times that I just MISS Bry...Okay, I miss him all the time...I miss his company...I miss playing around with him...I miss being taken cared of. It gets a little tiring to have to take care of everything by myself sometimes...(Sigh)...so overwhelming... So all day, I've been remembering the last day I saw him...that morning that I knew I wasn't going to see him for a looong time...he got in the shower...and I just watched him get ready....I watched him brush his teeth...shave...on his side of the sink for the last time until next September...in his favorite blue towel... I just have to keep reminding myself that he'll be here in 5 months...if only for 2 weeks... So lonely....
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |