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Tuesday...
So Bryan left for the field today...he'll be gone until Friday or Saturday, which sucks... I was supposed to go to Dallas this weekend to visit my family...but as it turns out, Cynthia just got a new job that starts tomorrow...and they sure as hell won't let her have Friday off... So...I think we're going to hold off until the 3rd week of June...I will be super busy until then... When we were moving last weekend, I ran across a couple of pages of Bry's old journal....and I stuck it in between some book and reminded myself to read it today - when he goes to the field...and I realized that he found the whole book...and just tore off a couple of pages for him to keep...and threw the rest away... I am so curious to find out what's in that book! But maybe it's better that I never found it... He did mention his ex-girlfriend a couple of times in the few pages that he's left behind...and I find myself wondering just how much he loved her... And I know I shouldn't be jealous, but I am...what if they had this great relationship? I know...if they did, he wouldn't be with me right now...but what if? I went back in time and read my old entries about Richard...just to see...and I know that if he read those, he would feel extremely jealous... Because if you think about it...I really loved this boy...and I know it would hurt if he talked about her the way I talked about Ricky... And I could just imagine...and I know I shouldn't... We have Cadence, afterall...and no one else can give him that...we have a great family... Sometimes...when we wake up on Saturday and Sunday mornings and just play and talk to Cadence...it's like nothing else in the world matters...I feel so content...like this is how everything's supposed to turn out... Everything feels right for a change... Sometimes, it feels like everything's going to well that it's too good to be true...that it'll in some way take a turn for the worse...and I feel afraid... Afraid to lose what I have now...what I value so much...what I've gained in such a short period of time... I have a family...a guy who loves me and treats me so right...a beautiful baby girl...a job I love...a beautiful house...a sister for a best friend...a mother who loves me....what more can a girl want? And I am so thankful for all of these...which makes me more afraid...because now I have so much more to lose...
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |