2005-05-04 | 3:46 p.m.
<< Getting some things off my chest... >>

Wednesday...

2nd entry for the day...I figured I need to put forth an effort into updating this...for my sanity's sake...

This is where I always went when I needed to get my thoughts together...and I've just been letting it slip lately...

So I've had this thing that's been bugging me...but I've been too scared to write it down...worried of who might be reading this without my knowledge...and that's not how I want this diary to be...I want this to be a place where I can pour my heart and soul in...my frustrations...this is supposed to be my sacred place...

So I locked it. Problem solved. Hopefully.

So we just got this house, right. We got a 4 bedroom house for a reason. Cynthia will be living with us and she will be picking the kiddo's up from Dallas and bringing them here after school's over...

She just quit her job in December because of some trouble she's been having with some lady...and I told her that she can come up here and stay with us until she got back on her feet...

Plus, I like her company...she's definitely one of my good friends...and I love having her around...especially in a place so far from my mom and sister...

She definitely is like a sister to me...

But she has definitely has made some bad decisions in her life...and I know that she's lost...and I want to be there for her...and trying to...but I just wish she can get her head straight...I know her heart is in the right place...she just needs to realize that things are going to be hard for a while...it's not all going to come in a silver platter...but with hard work and determination, she'll get there eventually...

I know that right now, she's trying hard to look for a job...but she's burned so many bridges when she got here...that now, her list of options are narrowing down...

A couple of temp agencies sent her to some jobs...and she didn't like them...so she just quit going...without even calling...

Of course, when a better opportunity comes up, they're not going to call her because of that...

She had an assignment for 2 weeks with Volt...so what if it paid $11.50 per hour? It's money! And she's getting it while waiting on other opportunities to come up! But I guess we just don't see things the same way...

Her pride just blinds her...she said that it pays too low...and she used to get paid higher than that...and that she refuses to do "filing" and "deliver mail around the office"...it's an office job! What's so demeaning about that?! It's definitely not Mickey D's...or bagging groceries somewhere...or doing hard labor...

So, anyway, she stopped going. And now she's not getting any thing at all. Zip. Nada. And she's about to lose her car. And she doesn't have that much money to go back to Dallas and pick up the kids. I was supposed to go with her, but I can't now that we just got the house.

That came out of my check. She's supposed to pay a third of the rent per month, plus one bill...and Bry and I would cover the rest. We figured that's just fair, since Bry and I have 2 incomes coming in and she just has 1...

Of course, she's not putting anything in right now...and we're not expecting her to, considering she hasn't found a steady job yet...

But those 2 weeks could have been so helpful...

And the past couple of days, she's been home...and she hasn't even unpacked anything around the house...

Everything's still a mess....waiting for me...

I don't know...I just don't know what to tell her...I don't want to make her feel bad in any way...or make it seem like I'm looking down on her...I definitely want to help her out...I mean, that's what friends are for, right?

But I just wish she'd realize that it's not going to work with her pride up so high...I took a job that was paying me twice as low as I was getting paid in Dallas...until I got this job that's now paying me a lot higher...

Sometimes, things just happen...but don't just sit there and wait until it does...do something...anything...even if it means swallowing your pride for a little bit...

Oh, and her car...she got this car when she got her income tax...when she knows that she doesn't have a job at the moment...she's found so many cars that she could have paid for in full...and it would have been hers...without worrying about a car payment while she's out of an income...instead, she used the money for a downpayment for a Mustang...in which she had to pay $400.00 a month for...

That's why she's losing it...cause she has no money to pay it...because she stopped going to the job that was paying her less than she's used to...because she had to do filing and deliver mail...

And now, she's talking about getting another Mustang after she saves some money to get another car...once she finds a job...

We just think so different...I told her that she should just save some money to get a used economy car for now and pay it in full...no car payments to worry about...and focus on paying off bills and taking care of her kids...

Just paying her third of the rent and one bill would help us out so much! And we're not getting that right now. Like I said, I really don't mind because I know she doesn't have it right now...but just the thought that if she really tried hard enough, she could have it just drives me a little nuts...

I don't know...I don't want to kick her while she's down, because her own family has already done that...

And she even told us that Bry and I are the only people who have helped her out the most...

And I know she appreciates that...and I appreciate that she recognizes that...I just wish she'd put her head in the right place, ya know?

I don't know what else to say...

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30