2004-02-09 | 5:37 p.m.
<< Navy Boy... >>

Monday...

So I've started e-mailing with this guy I used to kind'a see last year...he's a Navy Boy...stationed in Japan...another Puerto Rican (what is it with all these freakin' Puerto Rican's?!)...I met him when he was home for a couple of weeks...when I first started waitressing at DMX...he was only here for a couple of weeks...then he went back...and then he came down again this past summer...and we actually stopped talking because...well...he was an ass!!! It's really a long story...I'm sure I've written it in my journal...and I'll probably put it on here later just to put two and two together...

Anyway...he started e-mailing me again...and thought I'd put it on here...just because...

Joe: WUZ UP JOANNE.. HOW ARE YOU DOING?? GOOD I HOPE. I WAS IN DALLAS FROM 09JAN-24JAN AND I WENT TO GO VISIT MY FAMILY. I WISHED THAT I WOULD'VE HAD YOUR NUMBER SO I COULD CALL YOU, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE IT. FIRST OF ALL, YOU GOT THE WRONG IMPRESSION OF ME THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IM NOT MARRIED AND NO I'M NOT LYING TO YOU. I MADE IT SEEM LIKE I WAS FOR A REASON BUT ITS A LONG STORY. I WOULD'VE HAD TOLD YOU, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU CARE BUT I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE RAN OUT ON YOU LIKE THAT. I APOLOGIZE AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU. TAKE CARE AND WRITE ME BACK IF YOU WANT.

Me: Hey, how have you been? Well, that's good that you came over here to visit. Wow! That's almost a month that you were here! Hopefully you had fun and that you got to spend a lot of time with your family. About how we ended things...I'm sure you had your reasons for what you did. And you know what, that's fine. I just wish you could have told me the truth instead of giving me the run arounds. Up to now, I'm still dumbfounded and can't figure out what happened. If you don't want to talk about it, that's cool. If you don't want to have to explain anything, that's completely up to you. It's all in the past, anyway. And there's no point in bringing it up now. I mean, don't get me wrong. You really did hurt me. Because after all that talk about trust and giving you a chance to prove yourself, you still disappointed me. And it's weird how you used to always ask me why I don't trust anyone. Well, you just proved my point. But hey, everyone makes mistakes and I'm not going to hate you for that. I'm not perfect, either. And I've made mistakes in the past that I'm not particularly proud of. Anyway...all in all....I just want to let you know that it's cool. It happened, it's in the past, so we can just leave it at that. I'm still willing to stay friends if you are. Life's too short to hold grudges, right? Anyway, take care of yourself and write back if you want.

Joe: HELLO JOANNE.. HOW ARE YOU DOING?? GOOD I HOPE. I'M JUST HERE CHILLIN AT WORK AND WRITING YOU BACK. TO BE HONEST, I FEEL REALLY BAD FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU. I GAVE YOU A BAD IMPRESSION ABOUT ME. I'M NOT A BAD PERSON, OR AT LEAST, THATS NOT WHAT I THINK OF MYSELF. WHEN I MET YOU, I WAS REALLY UPFRONT WITH YOU AND I TOLD YOU WHAT I WANTED IN A WOMAN AND IN LIFE. THE 2ND TIME WE SEEN EACH OTHER, WE HAD A GOOD TIME TOGETHER AND I REALLY ENJOYED MY TIME WITH YOU. I REALLY WISHED THAT THINGS WEREN'T THE WAY THE ARE NOW, BUT YOU CAN SAY THATS ITS MY FAULT. I NEVER TRUSTED A FEMALE AND THATS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I WAS THE I WAS WITH YOU THAT ONE TIME. AGAIN, LET ME CLARIFY AND TELL YOU THAT I'M NOT MARRIED. I MADE IT SEEM LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS THERE, BUT I'M NOT. ITS A LONG, PERSONAL STORY, THAT IF YOU KNEW, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN. I LATER CAME TO REALIZE THAT I HAD MESSED UP WITH YOU. I DON'T KNOW IF WHAT YOU FELT, WAS JUST A FEELING THAT YOU HAD, JUST BECAUSE I WAS THERE, BUT I FELT THAT IT WAS REAL. WE ARE TOO MUCH ALIKE. YOU DON'T TRUST MEN AND I DON'T TRUST WOMEN. I'M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU WHAT YOU DID IN YOUR PAST EITHER, BUT I CAN TELL THAT YOU THINK THE WAY I THINK. WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR IS GONE AND THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO. AS I GET OLDER, I COME TO REALIZE THAT LIFE IS NOT A GAME AND THAT YOU NEED TO RESPECT EVERYONE AND THATS SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO WITH YOU. I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT LIKE YOU SAID, NOBODY IS PERFECT. I'M NOT PERFECT. WELL TAKE CARE AND I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOYED MY E-MAIL. TAKE CARE AND WRITE ME BACK WHEN EVER YOU CAN. BY THE WAY, I WANT TO KEEP IN TOUCH, SO LETS DO SO.

Me: Hey, Sorry I haven't written back in a while, but I was out sick last week. Anyway, you keep telling me that if I knew what you went through to make you do what you did last year, that I would understand. But up to now, you haven't even made it a point to tell me so that I could understand. But if you don't want to tell me...or if it's too personal to tell, then I guess that's okay. I can accept that. And I'm okay with us writing each other and keeping in touch. Like you said, what happened in the past is the past...and there's no point in bringing it up now. So let's just move forward from here and start all over as friends. Anyway, hopefully you're doing good over there. I'll talk to you soon. Write back when you get a chance.

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Okay...Friends...yes, I can live with that....Other than that...I don't think so. This guy messed up...and yeah, I guess everyone does deserve a second chance...same goes for Wally, I guess...but the thing is....do they really?! I mean...if they get another chance...they might think they can do whatever the hell they want and walk all over you....you know?

Yeah, I have trust issues....I don't have any! But what can I say?! Everything that's happened to me made me this way...

Every time someone disappoints me, it just makes me all the more cautious next time...I can honestly say that at this point, only one person can make me cry...and I think I've made myself this much stronger even from him....I don't think I can cry...even for him anymore...

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30