2003-11-21 | 2:18 p.m.
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Saturday...

I can't believe I got that slammed last night...and right now...I'm feeling really dumb...

Damn you, bartender!!! (Not really...he was pretty good. He gave us a round of free shots. :-) So he deserved a good tip.) And our so called "mixed" drinks probably had nothing but liquor in it.

So we saw the guys last night...their show went pretty well...but now I'll probably have to call them later on to apologize for being so...drunk.

I know Adolf hates it when we get slammed...so I'm guessing he's pretty mad right now.

"Follow us." Two simple words we couldn't even follow...instead...we left ahead of everybody...and then called the guys when we got lost. "We're lost" was all we told Adolf when he got on the phone. "Where are you at?" He said...and Esmer just said, "I don't know. We're lost." Okay...that sounds pretty dumb...we know that now that we're sober.

I know we looked like fools...

J.B. came up to me and gave me a hug...and I told him "Hey, where's my watch?" And he said, "It's broken." And I said, "You suck! It's my turn to wear it!" And he just started laughing. He's such a dork.

Esmer and Adolf got to talking, I guess. I made them do it. I even got both of their hands and put them together. But all they did was argue, I guess....Esmer was pretty buzzed, too...so she said that she really couldn't get the words out of her mouth. But then he said, "Okay...so answer this. Where were you when Joanne went to the house?" And she said she didn't answer. And he said, "Exactly. You weren't there. Joanne was." Okay...so what the hell is that supposed to mean? I think I'll have to talk to him.

So...I have this other thing in my chest...that I want to get out...but then I know I'm not the only one. And getting it out of my chest means getting it out in the open, too. Like actually admitting it to myself that I like this boy. Liking this boy just adds me to the list. And I don't like being on some kind of list. I've had friends...so many friends...who's liked him...or likes him...and now I'm going to be on the list, too? Nah...so I think I'll just leave it alone.

But last night...I was mesmerized. It's like my eyes were focused solely on one person and I couldn't take my eyes away. He was hypnotizing. We talked after the show...and I know I looked like a fool with my drunk ass. I don't even remember now what we were talking about. Something about why he was wearing a jacket...and then something about him feeling chilly cause he's getting sick...my mind wasn't exactly in perfect condition at the time...so I don't remember the exact conversation. All I remember was him saying "Follow us." And I said, "Follow you where?" And he said, "I don't know. Wherever we're going. Just follow us." Okay...we didn't. I barely realized when I woke up this morning how much of a fool I was.

Oh, and get this...Esmer told him that I liked him! She told me that she said, "Hey, my girl really likes you." And he said, "I know." And then something about follow them. Liking him would be weird. Him knowing it would be even weirder. Because he was there when I was dating Eric. And he knows that I dated Eric. And I don't want to go from one guy to the next. And I should just leave it alone.

Eric was the whole reason why I didn't take my chance last time. No...not last time but the time before. The very first time we fell asleep together. I "thought" Eric and I still had something going on....they came into town before the rest of the guys did...met them up at the hotel...and Sito had said that Eric and the rest of the guys would be getting there in a few hours. So I said, "Okay, we'll just wait." So I was sitting on the edge of the bed and Frankie had said, "You might as well get some sleep." Andrew had scooted over and said, "You can share a pillow with me if you like." And I hesitated. And then Frankie had said, "It's okay. He won't bite you. Unless you want him to." Okay...that was the very first time we fell asleep togther. But he didn't try anything on me. And I think that's why I started liking him. Because he's so respectful and thoughtful. He even let me get under the covers because I was chilly. But I had my back to him the whole entire time. And him. He was facing me. So close. I could feel his chest on my back...and his breathing on my neck. Someone from the other bed was making noises...so we would try not to laugh...I think that was the first time I actually started liking him...but I never admitted it to myself.

The next day...Roy and them had gotten there...and Roy had went into the room and jumped on us...him and his crazy self...and he said something to Drew about me...and he said, "Nah, she's Eric's girl."

Ahhh...I can't do this. I'll have to make myself not like him. I have to. But the fact that the more I know about him...how he is...it's just not helping any.

Did you know that he doesn't even want to do this for the rest of his life? He wants to run a business...and he had told Lorena that he wants a girl that doesn't know anything about him...he has a heart. And more than likely that's what's making him so damned attractive.

He's always trying to take care of us...like when we meet them at clubs...he makes sure we get in the VIP with them. Or when the waitress wasn't paying attention to me when I was trying to order my drink...he bought my drink for me. Just little things. The fact that I know he gets offered ass all the time and he doesn't take it. The way he can be aloof sometimes...so when he smiles at something you say it's actually worth it.

Okay...so I'm getting carried away. Maybe because the memory of him is still fresh. But...this, too...shall pass.

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30