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Thursday...
----------------- Original Message ----------------- Hey girl, Well I'm really happy that you could understand what happen between us. I feel like such a loser. I just wish I could of told you along time ago. Like I said, I still have a lot to apologize about. But I guess we can go slow. Plus it gives me more reason to write to you. :) Well I just want to tell you that I am very sorry once again. I can remember clearly the last time I saw you. I remember walking you to your car. And opening the door for you. I could see your puppy eyes looking deep into my soul. Wondering why all this is going on. Why am I being such an ass. Thinking why couldn't my dumb ass see how much you loved me and was willing to do anything for me. I saw it JOJO and I felt it. But what really made it hard for me was when you said you loved me as i was walking away. Man my heart hit the ground at a 100mph. I wanted to tell you how much I still love you and how I wanted to be with you. but in the back of my head all I could think of was that you werent ready. You had discover the party life and that was all you wanted to do. I remember when I use to go to your house in GP just to try to see what was up. I remember sitting on your stairs trying to force myself to ask you back. But the words would never come out. Maybe I was scared or maybe I thought that to much time had gone by for us to pick up where we left off. I don't know! And I'm not saying that my marriage was the wrong thing for me, but I catch my self wondering of you all the time. When cindy told me you got married and had a baby, I remember getting so mad. Not because you found someone but because I wanted to be that person. And yes I do realize that I was married to. But I wasnt over you. But now like you said, I have to move on. I just have to keep doing what I'm good at and keep pushing my emotions away. I wish you the very best with your new hubby and pretty baby. And I am happy to say that I am honor to still have you as a friend. You be safe and take care. And for what it's worth I still Love you. I hope your hubby dont ever see these emails wouldnt want to get you any trouble cause of me. Anyways delete them. well talk to you later and keep intouch. I'll try to sneak on here as much as I can. Love KIKI...... ----------------- Original Message ----------------- Hi, Kiki...I've been wanting to write to you all day, but they blocked Myspace from work, so I can't get on here from there anymore. :-( So you finally opened up to me, huh?! It's about time! :-) All this time I've been wondering what went wrong...I thought we had it sooo good. And you never wanted to talk to me and let me know what you were really thinking. It's like you blocked yourself off from me and I couldn't read your thoughts anymore. And I know how bad you wanted a family and I was really glad that you had that when you moved to your dad's...I was happy that you were finally having a "normal" life and not out in the streets worrying about how you're going to get through for the day. I hated worrying about you back then. But I thought we were best friends...and I just couldn't believe that you didn't want to talk to me, of all people. You know I would have been there for you anytime you needed me...and I still am. But I do take some of the blame, too...I know that I was always getting mad because you couldn't talk when you were home or you were too busy goofing around...and it's not that I didn't want you to have fun with your family, because I know that's all you ever wanted...I just felt like you were growing away from me every day. And I hated that feeling. I just hope you know that when we broke up, things for me was never the same. I cried every night for months....even years. And I never really let go of the thought that we would "someday" get back together until you got married. :-) That day, I knew it was time to finally put those "hopes" behind me and move on. The last time I saw you, I had this whole big speech in my head about how I was going to have a heart to heart talk with you...to ask you if you still felt the same...and if you really loved her, then why were you there with me? But...of course I chickened out...and I didn't want to ruin the weekend that I knew would be our last (Even though I did, anyway, by crying to you..lol). But just to let you know, I was always out partying because I didn't really want to settle down if it wasn't with you. I never gave any guys I dated any chance because deep down, I wanted to be with you. I used to pray every night that God would give you back to me. :-) And write diary entries that if I got you back, I would be the happiest girl in the world. All I wanted back then was to fall asleep in your arms and wake up right next to you in the morning...and laugh at the way your lips would get swollen when you first wake up. Anyway, I know that's all behind us, but I wanted to let you know everything, anyway. I would still love to stay friends and keep in touch. After all, you were my best friend...and remember I told you that the reason I turned you down the first time you asked me out was because you were my best friend and I didn't want to lose that? And you promised I wouldn't. :-) Anyway, just write back when you get the chance and I'll respond back when I get home from work tomorrow. Bye. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- Hey JoJo, I've been waiting for you to repile to my email but you havent. So i figure i write to you anyways. First I just wanted to say hot really sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you in anyway. Every since I moved with my dad things began to change. Not with like other girls or anything like what you think or thought. When i got there i felt like I could be a kid and not have to qorry about watching my back. i remember you would get mad cause I was always doing something or being busy. For the first time i felt alive. And i know I could of talk to you about it but i was worry that you might of not understand. So I broke up with you. All this time I have force myself to not think about you and not have any feeling for you. but even till today i do. I guess because you were more then just my girlfriend you were my truly best friend before it all. maybe that's why it's so hard for me to let my thoughts of you go away.
Glad to see you are doing well and just wanted to say hello... :-) How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |