2004-06-10 | 5:23 p.m.
<< I HATE this!!! >>

Thursday...

So I'm mad right now...yes, at Bryan. And it's probably not his fault...and I'm probably just jumping to conclusions like the crazy lunatic I'm quickly becoming...but I can't help it! I'm so mad my hands are cold! Or maybe it's just cause this room is just freezing...eitherway, I'm not a happy girl right about now...

So when I went to visit him about a month ago...I saw this picture on his phone...about him and some girl named "Eck" (Yes, last name)...she was whispering in his ear. And he said nonchalantly, "Oh, that's Eck telling me a secret."

This is the girl he was supposed to go out for drinks with that night because she was getting divorced. And I've never personally met the girl...but I'm just getting a bad vibe from all of this...

So...the other night...we were talking about friends in the opposite sex. I was telling him that when I move there, I'm probably going to still get calls from guys I haven't talked to in a while...from guys who has no clue about my current situation...stuff like that. And I asked him if he has any female friends who call him...and she was one of them...like ALL THE TIME. Coming over and calling.

So maybe I'm just being insecure because of the way I am right now. Before I would have said, "F*ck it! Let's go out" to my friends and blow it off....meet and flirt with guys and shrug it off my mind...

But let's face it. I can't do that anymore. At least not right now. This somehow puts me at a disadvantage. And I'm HATING it.

So he's off tomorrow and he's having like his whole platoon over his apartment for drinks. And he said SHE might come. He said he didn't invite her, but she might call. And if she does, then he'll invite her because she's his friend.

And I just about lost it. I said, "Fine. Do what you want. I'll talk to you later." And stopped replying to his instant messages...

He put, "I'm going to disregard that comment and tell you that I love you because I know you're going through some rough times right now...but I want to tell you this: I HATE THAT YOU DON'T TRUST ME." In all caps...just like that.

And I didn't reply.

And that was the last of it. And I'm mad as hell right now. And I feel so helpless because I can't do anything to make myself feel better. I can't drink it away...or party it away...I can't have a "girls' night" because that involves alcohol and we all know I can't do that...so "girl's night" would involve the girls doing the drinking while I sit there and watch them...knowing full-well I'm the one who needs it right now!

Ugh! I HATE this!!!!

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30