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Thursday...
I'm so ready to get outta here! For the past couple of days...I've been doing GREAT on my numbers...and I knock 'em out throughout the day...and then...towards this time until I head home...I just don't feel like doing anything anymore... So...I'm just here...waiting for time to hit 6...so that I can get outta here... It's so quiet now...I'm the only one left...poor me... Anyway...the weather's been nice the past couple of days...hopefully it'll be even nicer this coming weekend... We're thinking about going camping...to Lake Tawokana...or something like that...never been there before...apparently it's only like a 45 minute drive...not bad... I've never been camping before...so this should be a new experience for me...sounds like fun...so I think we're gonna do it... Just finished chattin' with Bryan about 30 minutes ago...he went to change out of his uniform and get comfy...he's all excited cause he gets to work on a "bird" tomorrow (Guessin' that's a plane? A helicopter? - Who knows?!)... He said that he might be transferred to Hawaii between now and six months from now...and he wants me to go with him...Hawaiii...MmMmMm....sounds sooo tempting...but isn't it a little too fast for all of this?! I just don't know anymore... He told me last night that he loved me...I told him not to say things he doesn't mean...and he said he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it... I seriously don't know what to think of that one...I'm not sure if this is all going a little too fast...I mean, I'm just letting it all unfold...but it's like everything's going in fast-forward or something... And I like him a lot...I really do...he makes me laugh...we can talk about anything and everything you can possibly imagine...my day's not as great when I don't get to talk to him - it feels like something's missing...and yesterday, I was going through some of my entries and on a few of them I put something about feeling "empty"...and right now...I don't feel that...for the first time in a long time I feel complete... Things are going so well it's starting to scare the hell out of me...because...what if this is all just some crazy dream?! What if none of this is real and it ends abruptly?! What if I start running shitlessly scared and end up hurting this guy?! And then....I realize...that I just let go of something good because I was too scared?! Or...what if I do end up giving everything up for him...and it turns out that he's just like the rest of them...and I'm left with nothing but yet another heart ache?! Yeah...I think too much...I analyze way too much...and I worry too damn much... That's just the way I am...I can't help it... So right now...I feel anxious and nervous and worried and happy all at the same time... Weird...
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |