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Monday....
I'm hongry!!! And I'm sleepy...and I'm tired...and I feel Blah! (Someone call the waaambulance!) Is it Friday yet??? I didn't really do anything yesterday...I was supposed to have my dance practice at 2 p.m....but it got cancelled because the instructor didn't get here. She's from Oklahoma, and she didn't travel because she said it was raining too hard the night before... Anyway, yesterday woke up at 1 p.m....took Cindy home since we took my car out the night before and just crashed out at my place...went back home and got ready...went back to Cindy's and Paula's (we were supposed to go to the movies to see The Passion of Christ) but we didn't get a chance to go...so Cindy and I just went and grabbed some Subway and just chilled there and basically talked and hung out all day... She's not talking to Richard right now, and her mom had called him just to see how he's doing...and he had told her to give Cindy and the kiddo's a kiss from him...and I told her to get over it already and call him...because...well, he is her brother! Her mom had said that he sounded sad...and I told her that he's not happy...and she said, "I know he's not happy. But he's made his choice." And she's right... She started talking about the wedding and how they had fought that day and didn't make up until towards the end...and other stuff that happened throughout the event...and I just couldn't help but feel...sad. Because, well...that was our dream. We were supposed to experience all of that together...the dinner party...the bachelor/bachelorette party...the vows...that was supposed to be "us." And well...I guess I am going to have to get over it sooner or later...but I just couldn't help but feel bad...of course, I hid it...I just kind'a went along with the conversation like it didn't bother me... And on my way home yesterday...I started thinking that even if it doesn't work out with them...I don't think I could ever take him back...because...well...I want all of that experience with someone who's never gone through it before...and he's already gone through it with someone else...and that makes it feel less special...that would make me feel second-best...and I can't have that... I know he still loves me...I can feel it in my heart of hearts that he still does...but it's just not possible anymore...even somewhere down the road...when he does come back to me (and something inside tells me that he will)...I just don't think I can take him back anymore...no matter how much I love him (and I know I always will)...I just can't...
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |