2003-11-11 | 5:13 p.m.
<< Final Decision... >>

Tuesday...

Today's an okay day, I guess...the call taking part...very frustrating. BUT...we had our reviews today...and I'm pretty happy 'cause I'm getting a pretty good Bonus (Yay!)...by the end of this month, I'm getting a $1367.00 bonus on my paycheck. :-) And I soooo need that extra money right now! PLUS, I'm getting a $5093.63 increase per annum on my check...but that doesn't take effect till April...and I don't think I'll be here by then.

Why? Because I've finally made my decision. I want to make something out of myself. I want to get a degree...be somebody. So...in lieu of that thought...I'm going to the Philippines to study for about 3 or 4 years. And I'm going to finish Nursing. And when I come back here....I'll be making so much more money than I am now. Sure, I want that raise. And God knows it's way overdue...but I can't stay just because of that. What about my future? I need to be more. I crave to be more. I already e-mailed my brother....and he sounds pretty excited that I'm going there to study. He said not to worry about the expenses because that's what my brothers are there for. They're so sweet...they've actually replaced my dad....who has hardly ever been there....and even he said he will help put me through school...but I don't really rely on his words...he's not exactly "word keeping" material.

Anyway...there's still so much to do to get everything ready by March or April...and I'm actually starting to get excited. I must admit...when I got that raise...I actually thought about staying. But then I knew that if I don't take this opportunity now, I'm always going to regret it.

I've gotten plenty of opportunities before that I just let pass me by...and there's not a day that I don't regret making the wrong decisions. All because I was scared to move away.

Sure...right now I wonder if I'll make it. I know that I'll probably be lonely sometimes...and it's not going to always be easy. And I'm going to miss my sissy soooo much....whom I've never been far away from for more than a week (maybe even less that that) since the day she was born...and all my fwends...and my party buddies...my car...my life. I'm going to miss all that...and I know that. So why am I doing this? But then...I remember...that if I don't do this now, I'm always going to wonder, "what if?"...and I hate that feeling.

At least when I've actually accomplished what I've set out to do...I can actually be proud of myself...know what real success feels like.

I need to stop staying for the wrong reasons. God knows I've done enough of that. So I'm leaving. I'm doing this, dammit! For me. This time...I'm not doing this for anybody else but me.

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30