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Thursday...
I could have written yesterday...but for some reason, I didn't feel like it. I actually didn't feel like writing today, either...but then I figured...what the hell, it might make me feel a little better...just to write...after all, this is my source of therapy...wherein I can vent...and let out my frustrations...and no one can judge me. Because no one that I know can read this...and for those I don't and they happen to come across it, they won't be partial to any judgements...because of the simple fact that they don't know me. Anyway, I actually got on the computer last night after my kickboxing class, but like I said, I didn't feel like venting. So I just chatted with Amelia and tried to catch up on some things. I chatted with David the other day...I haven't talked to him in a while, either. And come to find out...he already has a girlfriend. And it's not like I'm jealous or anything...because I don't like him like that anymore...but I guess It's just that I felt kind'a envious because he was able to find someone that quickly and I can't seem to find anybody perfect for me. Everytime I go out, I don't even find anybody attractive...anybody I might want to get to know better...anybody that catches my interest. I don't know...maybe it's just me. Anyway...I told Cindy that I've been feeling down in the dumps lately...and I can't seem to pick out the reason why. I just have this heavy feeling in my heart...this emptiness...and it feels lonely. People call me on my cell phone, and I hesitate on picking it up. It's like I don't even feel like talking to anybody. I don't know.... Hopefully everything starts getting better... I know I have to be strong and not give in to this feeling that's trying to overpower me...it's not like I don't have family...and lots of friends...but I guess it's different. When you've already had something special...that connection with someone...I guess you'll just keep looking for it when it's gone... And I guess that's what I'm doing...holding on to something that's not there anymore... And maybe that's why I feel empty inside...because there's nothing there anymore...
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |