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Thursday...
It's raining...it's dark....and the funny thing is that's the way I feel inside, and I don't know why... I feel alone, even though I know I have friends and family to support me. Maybe it's just me. But I still can't help this heavy feeling...the feeling that I can't breathe. I'm supposed to go out tonight with Cindy and the girls...hopefully that'll cheer me up a little. Just forget about everything but the feel of the music, dancing to the beat, and a few glasses of alcohol to ease this nagging tension. Work...what can I say about work? I like it...but sometimes I just want to quit. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of sometimes. And I HATE that feeling. A certain person taking credit for my work...and my supervisor actually believing it! Believing that I'm incompetent...yet I'M THE ONE DOING THE WORK!!! Why can't I just get up and tell them?! That I'm tired of it all???? But one day...it's going to come...and when I leave...I'll make sure they'll know the reason why. That's the only thing that keeps me going. Well, that and the paycheck that I so need right now. It's been a week and still no e-mail, no phone call, nothing...from Eric. Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me. Oh, shame on me! But you know what, next time I see him...I'll make sure I let him know that things have got to end. I deserve more, dammit! Pete leaves for Chicago tomorrow...but the weird part is that I'm not sad...or I don't feel like I'm gonna miss him. Is it just me keeping my guard up...or is there anything there??? I don't know...my heart's so torn up that I'm not even sure of what I feel anymore. It can't feel like the way it used to feel...and it's sad, I know. I can't cry as easily I could before, either. Or feel bad for people as easily as I should. Sometimes I feel like I'm such a bad person, because I know I should feel bad...but I don't. Sad, but true.
How the stars line up - 08.25.09 2008 already?! - 2008-01-07 Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27 Already been a year... - 2006-09-05 Too late... - 2006-06-30 |