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2003-11-11 | 12:07 a.m.
<< Break up... >>

"May 18, 1999

....My heart is heavy and I feel so - alone. Every time I try to describe the way I feel, that's the word that comes to mind. Richard and I broke up a week ago. It feels so different. Just knowing that we're not "together" feels lonely. I guess I held on too tight. I don't know. Someone told me that all things happen for a reason. Bur right now, I don't know why this happened. I cannot think of any reason. All I know is that it hurts. I try so hard to keep this pain locked inside my heart. I pretend that it doesn't matter. I keep it hidden behind a wide smile and a fake laugh. But when I'm alone, I let the barriers fall for a little while and let this pain loose. I can't help but remember the past, all the memories we created together, and I just can't believe it. Some may say I'm too young to feel something so strong. Sometimes even I feel like I'm too young to hurt like this. But I guess God doesn't pick a certain age. I guess each one has to weep at one point in time. I miss him so much, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. Whenever I hear his voice, I hurt even more. Except when he's around, I pretend. I pretend as if I can go on without him. I pretend I don't care. But sometimes I wonder - Should I show him how much I'm hurting, or should I just go on pretending? Should I pour out all my feelings and tell him that I still love him? Or should I just keep it all in, locked inside my heart? I'm so confused. I don't know what to do, what to say, or even what to think. Many things go through my mind and I just can't decide. I hope so much things will start getting better. I hope everything works out. I just hope...."

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30