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2003-10-21 | 5:34 p.m.
<< IF... >>


I feel so tired today...I just want to get home...and bum out on the couch...watching my favorite shows...and maybe a good movie afterwards. Screw working out! I'll do that tomorrow...but I still can't help but feel guilty!

Anyway, we went to Bennigan's last have some dinner and some drinks...just Cindy, Beannie, Peter, the baby, and Lolo. It was pretty fun. We just chit-chatted and laughed. Afterwards we rented some movies from Hollywood.

We watched "Wrong Turn" last night...Woah! That movie almost gave me a heart attack! Cindy and Beannie were laughing at me...cause I really get into the movie...really. And I start I was actually part of the whole thing!

Anyway, I couldn't sleep after that (not because I was scared, mind you...but because I just couldn't sleep...) and I ended up not going to bed till about 1:30 in the morning...

Yawn! Tired now...

I think Richard's mad at me...he hasn't called...and he won't return my text messages. But I'm not kissing ass!!! I didn't do anything wrong!

Anyway, IF...and that's a big IF right now...If I go to Kansas this weekend...I think I'll take that opportunity for that heart-to-heart talk I've been wanting to have for so long...

I need to find out...even if it's going to end up hurting me. Better now than later.

I'm going to ask him if he thinks she's the one. Because if she is...then I'll step back...and he'll never hear from me again. I need to know. I'm going to ask if he even feels anything at all for me. I'm going to ask all the questions that's going through my head. I need to place an answer to every question I've had since we broke an answer...move forward...or move on. No more wondering.

So this time, IF (again, big IF)...IF I go this weekend...I'm going alone. So we can have this talk.

And if it ends up hurting least I know that I tried...and there's nothing I could do about it. At least I can finally let that hope die...and someday pick up the broken pieces and find someone who will be willing to give me everything I want...

Yeah...Right...if only if it was that easy.

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30