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2003-10-15 | 5:42 p.m.
<< Him... >>


I talked to Richard on my way home from work yesterday...just making small talk. What he did at work...what he was doing...what he was fixing to do...he asked about my sister...where I was at...stuff like that. After I talked to him...I just felt...happy. Sometimes I wonder if it's just the memories that's making me feel this way...and maybe the reason why I can't find anybody else...or refuse to find anybody because I'm putting him up on a pedestal that no one else can reach. Maybe I'm just being stubborn. Maybe I just remember the good and not the bad. But then...just one night with him...and I realize how right it is. If it feels so right...then why does everything have to be so complicated?

Why does he have somebody else? Is it just me who feels this way? Is it just me who feels that connection...that feeling...that everything else in the world fits in place as long as we're together? Is it just me? Does he feel that way with her? I just don't know, anymore. I stopped knowing 4 years ago...when we stopped being "us."

And all this time...I've been searching...looking...for something exactly like it...and I can't seem to find it. It's always the wrong person...or the wrong time...or the wrong's just wrong. Nothing's ever been right for me eversince. Sometimes I feel like God's punishing me. He made me love a boy this much just to take him away from me and made me feel this...emptiness. I had a bestfriend...someone I shared everything with. And with the blink of an eye...he's gone...and he's loving someone else.

That's the worse feeling in the world.

I just wish I had it all back. That content feeling I have when I'm in his arms...the thought that whispers, "Yes, this is where I belong. This is exactly how it should be. This is where I want to be for the rest of my life. Every night I go to bed...I want to fall asleep just like this. Every morning I wake up...his face is the first thing I want to see....every day that I come home, I want to come home to him....just other boy can make me this happy. Just him."

My Baby...

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30