2003-10-16 | 5:14 p.m.
<< Maybe... >>

Thursday...

I keep thinking back to when he fell inlove with me...and I didn't even know it. How was I back then? Am I a completely different person now? Yeah...I'm pretty sure I am. I'm not the same girl. Maybe that's why. I feel all screwed up on the inside. There's no other way to describe it. I just feel....lost. Was I lost back then? I remember when we got together...I was. I was lost. And he helped me find my way. He was there to put all the pieces together. He hugged me...and comforted me...and wiped away my tears. Why can't he do that now? Why can't he be the same guy he was back then? Why can't he tell me that everything will be okay?

I was lost...but never this lost. I seem to be able to hide it behind a smile...and sarcasm...behind this "screw it and let's party" attitude. I'm done. I'm done playing games.

Can I go back to being the same girl? I doubt it. Too many things have changed. Too much have happened. Maybe he can see that. Maybe he can see right through me like he always has...and he just doesn't like what he sees, anymore...

Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore...maybe he never will...maybe I'll be stuck in this predicament for my entire life...loving someone I can't have...

It's an ugly feeling. And I just want it to go away. But it won't.

Before | After

last five

How the stars line up - 08.25.09

2008 already?! - 2008-01-07

Yet another transition... - 2006-09-27

Already been a year... - 2006-09-05

Too late... - 2006-06-30